shayan
chrissey
paul
lauren's dad
heejung
josh
subin
shubham
gus
austin
caitlin
taehee
grace
casey
hannah

:all the people i ran into today
it's funny you see so many people you know when you look like crap~

san fransisco tomorrow :-)
i'm excited since i've never been up there
yayyyyyyyy
i hope we have a safe drive up there with the rain and everything... i dunno how long the drive is gonna be GAH

btw i had the weirdest dream last night. it consisted of me almost drowning and seeing dead/hanged people (by chains) in the pool..yea dunno what that means!! woke up gasping for air :-OOOOO
i hope this doesnt mean something bad is gonna happen ????

happy easter
i love you God!

i don't like where this is going!
if you act like you care
then i'll care


caring is creepy!!!

i think i fell into that hole again.
fail

so..........life isn't too great these days.
tooooo many things going on. too many to worry about. and these aren't the petty little things that people would say 'oh psh, that's nothing.' i'm talking legit, deep, real talk here..i would usually go through this phase and say 'everything will be alright, it always is' but i can't say the same these days. i just can't wait til school is over. literally cannot wait. it's scary how much i hate school. i'll still try to enjoy last few months left and try to go to all the school activities...but it's really stupid/naive of me to forget about the problem and laugh/joke around at school when friends make me laugh. approximately 2 seconds later laughing, i'm thinking to myself 'i really shouldn't be laughing. my ass is at stake.' HOW did it come this far, i don't know. i blame senioritis; it really is because of senioritis. i don't take life seriously and it's biting me in the butt. family, the living situation, school, future, my faith, money..i need help
it's been rough past few months

EASE THE PAIN GOD and PLEASE help my mom. and especially my dad. no changes ???????????

i need to start praying more. sigh

i'm actually gonna try now.
:] we can get through this.
no more wishy-washyness/laziness

couple things,

• i tried tumblr...it' confusing
• i feel so drained/empty these days
• my sister came home from korea to stay for 2 weeks :) yay
• essay for short fiction class is due in about 6.5 hrs. SCREWED
• i've been so tired these days. barely no sleep=sad stella
• sometimes i feel so secluded from my group of friends from school. they're indeed very hard to get close to.
• i am a terrible terrible student. ok grades but horrible student. senioritis is literally destroying me GAHHHH

kairos: "God's time"

kairos was a bit disappointing. it was still great but not as amazing as everyone said it would be. so there are 5 kairos groups and i went on the 3rd one. people that went on 1st and 2nd one said it was life changing and simply amazing. i dont like to get my hopes up or expect too much in anything because well, i dont like to be disappointed. but maybe deep inside i was really really excited for it because everyone hyped it up so much. the "kairos secrets" were cool and i cried (just like everyone said EVERYONE cries at kairos) at some parts. but they weren't enough to make this once in a lifetime experience unforgettable. i mean, i can come back with alumni to lead it if i want to but then i dont want to do that. sigh, i dont know. i heard that our kairos group was the worst, in terms of people not really opening up with their small group, not getting emocional, but taking things really lightly and almost fooling around. like we were almost forced to go up and share our opinions whereas other kairos group people volunteered to go up, shared their thoughts sincerely, shed some tear, etc. it was a lot more religious than i thought it would be. i know the retreat is about spending time with God but the whole Catholic religion and the rules suffocates me. some of the personal talks felt like lectures..i've been dealing with religion classes since 6th grade and i guess it never hits me because i'm a Christian. it's soooo much better. it was still good and i had a lot of fun, relaxing time getting to know people better, some i've known since middle school but made friends with.